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The Moment You Realize Someone Isn’t Who You Thought They Were…

There is the world we live in and then there is our perception of that world. At times, they are at odds with one another or don’t necessarily agree. This happens often in romantic relationships. We create images in our brains of the person we are in a relationship with that can be vastly different from reality. The person we perceive to be kind, generous, genuine, loyal, truthful, caring, and supportive might be those things but not with you.

It’s not to say that romantic relationships are, by nature, bad. There is just a higher probability of a cloudy image to take hold when love is involved. Someone who is possibly an endearing match might very well not be who they appear to be.

Inevitably there comes that moment when you realize that the person you have been dating or were dating isn’t what you had in your head. I’m pretty sure that for most of us, the reaction to that moment is one of nausea, sadness, upset, disappointment… Something negative. However, once you peel back everything and really examine where you are in life (where you are with that person), you are left with a sense of gratitude.

Be thankful that you discovered who that person is, what that person brought out of you, the emotions, the experiences of life! Most importantly, be thankful that you now see that person for who they truly are and what their priorities actually are. This way when they communicate with you, you can actually get their entire communication instead of what you want to hear from the person you thought they were.

Then you can move on with your life and enjoy it the way that life is meant to be enjoyed! Obviously easier said than done when you’re in the midst of a romantic relationship or the end of one.

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I Saw That Episode of “How I Met Your Mother”

Every once in awhile, I have an epiphany that truly changes my life forever. Perhaps the biggest is when I truly realized that my life is as meaningful or meaningless as I choose to make it. I just had an epiphany about my recently getting dumped experience that has really shed some light on the entire situation.

Last Sunday, I had “the conversation”. It wasn’t completely a blindside. I was expecting to have a conversation along the lines of, “where do you think this relationship is going?” Instead, it was the conversation along the lines of, “this relationship isn’t going where I want it to go and it just doesn’t feel right, right now.” It wasn’t an open conversation about what may or may not be going on with the future of the relationship. It was purely getting dumped. It did have perhaps the best version of “it’s not you it’s me” I’ve heard to date: “On paper, you are the perfect guy, but it just doesn’t feel right.”

Now, to be sure, I really do love this woman. I care about her deeply and truly want the best for her. That doesn’t take away the sting of a straight up dumping conversation, but I also realize that most of that sting comes from the expectation I had that the conversation would have been a conversation about improving the relationship and finding out what can be done to stay happy together. But if a relationship is not right for someone, it’s not right. Time for them to move on. (Not that I felt that way in the moment, it took a few days to get there)

A few emails and days later, I received an email from her that used the wording “right now” five different times. While reading the email, I really couldn’t help but notice “right now” was being used so often. Being a word nut and writing nut, I notice patterns in writing fairly quickly (at least I’d like to think I do). The email included eight sentences and the phrase “right now” five different times.

I’ve seen this before… I’ve heard this before… Where??? Epiphany time! I was sitting in her house watching the “Hooked” episode of “How I Met Your Mother”. I thought the episode was rather silly and asked her if she ever used the “right now” hook. She admitted that she did, and I believe she asked me if I had ever used it before (which I have). I’ve been finding humor in the breakup ever since… At least that’s how I feel right now 😛

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Success is Attractive

I’ve known a few gold diggers in my day. I even know a few women who have tried dating men with a lot of money just because they could and wanted to see if it really was any better than dating an average income guy. However, this isn’t what I’m talking about in this blog.

This is also a little different from a woman who supports her man’s ambitions. This is a woman who is genuinely turned on when she talks to her husband about the business deal he’s been working so hard to close or even the promotion he’s been vying for. This is about a woman who appreciates a man who is driven, and man who wants more and more in his short life. I believe that a truly successful man should want to date and/or marry a woman who is attracted to his success.

I should note that success does not require one to have a six figure income. Success is quite relative. A man may not have a high income, but he can still be successful. There are job careers that just don’t pay as high as others. That doesn’t make a CEO of a multi-billion dollar company more successful than the manager or owner of a local business. Unless the local business owner really wants to be the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company. The local business owner can be quite successful just with his local business, and he is best off with a woman who is turned on by his local business success. When he comes home from a long day at the office or shop, she’ll be turned on by the fact that he’s succeeding locally.

I know women like this as well. I know some women who aren’t like this at all. They don’t mind dating a successful guy, but it doesn’t turn them on. They’ll say things like “he could wear jeans and a t-shirt as long as he treats me well”. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with that, but I’m heading for the hills when I hear a woman say that about me! To me, it is such a turnoff when a woman says something like that. I’d like to consider myself driven. Most people who know me would agree. It is such a part of the very fiber of my being that I’m very attracted to a woman who is turned on by my drive for success and completely turned off by a woman who is indifferent about it.

Don’t get me wrong. They are still great women. Those who I’ve dated in the past who were not attracted to success are wonderful women who would be a great catch… for someone else.