The Moment You Realize Someone Isn’t Who You Thought They Were…

There is the world we live in and then there is our perception of that world. At times, they are at odds with one another or don’t necessarily agree. This happens often in romantic relationships. We create images in our brains of the person we are in a relationship with that can be vastly different from reality. The person we perceive to be kind, generous, genuine, loyal, truthful, caring, and supportive might be those things but not with you.

It’s not to say that romantic relationships are, by nature, bad. There is just a higher probability of a cloudy image to take hold when love is involved. Someone who is possibly an endearing match might very well not be who they appear to be.

Inevitably there comes that moment when you realize that the person you have been dating or were dating isn’t what you had in your head. I’m pretty sure that for most of us, the reaction to that moment is one of nausea, sadness, upset, disappointment… Something negative. However, once you peel back everything and really examine where you are in life (where you are with that person), you are left with a sense of gratitude.

Be thankful that you discovered who that person is, what that person brought out of you, the emotions, the experiences of life! Most importantly, be thankful that you now see that person for who they truly are and what their priorities actually are. This way when they communicate with you, you can actually get their entire communication instead of what you want to hear from the person you thought they were.

Then you can move on with your life and enjoy it the way that life is meant to be enjoyed! Obviously easier said than done when you’re in the midst of a romantic relationship or the end of one.


I Saw That Episode of “How I Met Your Mother”

Every once in awhile, I have an epiphany that truly changes my life forever. Perhaps the biggest is when I truly realized that my life is as meaningful or meaningless as I choose to make it. I just had an epiphany about my recently getting dumped experience that has really shed some light on the entire situation.

Last Sunday, I had “the conversation”. It wasn’t completely a blindside. I was expecting to have a conversation along the lines of, “where do you think this relationship is going?” Instead, it was the conversation along the lines of, “this relationship isn’t going where I want it to go and it just doesn’t feel right, right now.” It wasn’t an open conversation about what may or may not be going on with the future of the relationship. It was purely getting dumped. It did have perhaps the best version of “it’s not you it’s me” I’ve heard to date: “On paper, you are the perfect guy, but it just doesn’t feel right.”

Now, to be sure, I really do love this woman. I care about her deeply and truly want the best for her. That doesn’t take away the sting of a straight up dumping conversation, but I also realize that most of that sting comes from the expectation I had that the conversation would have been a conversation about improving the relationship and finding out what can be done to stay happy together. But if a relationship is not right for someone, it’s not right. Time for them to move on. (Not that I felt that way in the moment, it took a few days to get there)

A few emails and days later, I received an email from her that used the wording “right now” five different times. While reading the email, I really couldn’t help but notice “right now” was being used so often. Being a word nut and writing nut, I notice patterns in writing fairly quickly (at least I’d like to think I do). The email included eight sentences and the phrase “right now” five different times.

I’ve seen this before… I’ve heard this before… Where??? Epiphany time! I was sitting in her house watching the “Hooked” episode of “How I Met Your Mother”. I thought the episode was rather silly and asked her if she ever used the “right now” hook. She admitted that she did, and I believe she asked me if I had ever used it before (which I have). I’ve been finding humor in the breakup ever since… At least that’s how I feel right now 😛


Success is Attractive

I’ve known a few gold diggers in my day. I even know a few women who have tried dating men with a lot of money just because they could and wanted to see if it really was any better than dating an average income guy. However, this isn’t what I’m talking about in this blog.

This is also a little different from a woman who supports her man’s ambitions. This is a woman who is genuinely turned on when she talks to her husband about the business deal he’s been working so hard to close or even the promotion he’s been vying for. This is about a woman who appreciates a man who is driven, and man who wants more and more in his short life. I believe that a truly successful man should want to date and/or marry a woman who is attracted to his success.

I should note that success does not require one to have a six figure income. Success is quite relative. A man may not have a high income, but he can still be successful. There are job careers that just don’t pay as high as others. That doesn’t make a CEO of a multi-billion dollar company more successful than the manager or owner of a local business. Unless the local business owner really wants to be the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company. The local business owner can be quite successful just with his local business, and he is best off with a woman who is turned on by his local business success. When he comes home from a long day at the office or shop, she’ll be turned on by the fact that he’s succeeding locally.

I know women like this as well. I know some women who aren’t like this at all. They don’t mind dating a successful guy, but it doesn’t turn them on. They’ll say things like “he could wear jeans and a t-shirt as long as he treats me well”. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with that, but I’m heading for the hills when I hear a woman say that about me! To me, it is such a turnoff when a woman says something like that. I’d like to consider myself driven. Most people who know me would agree. It is such a part of the very fiber of my being that I’m very attracted to a woman who is turned on by my drive for success and completely turned off by a woman who is indifferent about it.

Don’t get me wrong. They are still great women. Those who I’ve dated in the past who were not attracted to success are wonderful women who would be a great catch… for someone else.


What’s There to Miss?

I miss
the bliss
of her kiss
my hands on this
beautiful woman, I wish
I could feel that brisk
brush of her wrist
or her lips
but I only remenisce
while I sit here and miss
the one at the top of my list
and I drift
back and forth through the mist
separating me from her


Take Her to a Gay Bar

I’ve been fortunate enough to date some beautiful women in my life. Typically, they capture a lot of interest when we are out. Heaven forbid I go to the bathroom because I’ll have to sift through a crowd of men to get back to her. I’m a very lucky guy. However, nothing compares to my current interest… like moths to a flame!

Last night I took her to see my friend Tiff Randol perform at Room 5 in Hollywood. We both really enjoyed Tiff’s performance! Afterward we met up with a friend of mine at a gay bar. Not even at a gay bar does my special lady get away from the guys hitting on her. There was one straight guy in the whole place (besides myself). Within 3 minutes he was hitting on her.

My friend took us to a couple of other gay spots and it was a different story, however. Nobody was interested in her at all. She did notice the amount of attention I was getting though. Women love men who are wanted by others. It doesn’t seem to matter that it was men that were checking me out. Someone (and apparently there were many) else wanted me, but she had me and that made her feel good about what she had.

There is an important lesson here folks! Take your woman to a gay bar so she knows you are a hot piece of ass 😛


The Best French Toast Ever

She reached for the salt and pepper as I was putting my fork on my plate. It was something purely surreal. No, it’s not like The Lonely Island song

It was almost as if she touched my entire body just by briefly brushing my arm on the way to the salt and pepper. If I didn’t know better, I blacked out for a little bit. It was as if my five senses became obsolete, and I was experiencing her in another dimension. It was the warmest feeling, so comfortable and peaceful. Yet, I felt my heart race. It was instantaneous! Rather than a slow moving tingle that spreads goosebumps from one end of my body to the next, it was like I fell through a doorway and into a bath of ecstasy.

For that brief moment, I swear I could feel her feeling me. I could hear her thoughts in my head as if they were my own. I could feel her as if she was me, and I was her. There was a spiraling sensation where I could not tell where I stopped and she began. It was like our bodies were completely intertwined, not with arms and legs, but more like chocolate vanilla ice cream swirls. Her breath was my breath, yet only our arms brushed. Her heart beat for mine, and mine for hers. Time collapsed and I lived an entire life in that moment.

She was only reaching for the salt and pepper.


The Theory of Harmonious Breakups

I’ve gone through my fair share of breakups, but nothing has compared to the most recent split. Five and a half years of being with someone, I grew to have certain expectations of my girlfriend. By far, the biggest expectation I had was that in the unlikely event that I ever had a difficult moment in my life to deal with… Well, I expected her to be there. The night I found out my friend Rich killed himself, she was exactly what I needed. I couldn’t have asked for more during that evening. Ten days later, she was telling me that I was such a horrible friend that it was no wonder Rich killed himself.

It’s been a rough road for me since then, but I realize something about getting over someone after a breakup. It comes directly from the science around how we relate memories to sounds and smells. I’ve come to the conclusion that the time it takes to get over someone corelates to the time the songs that remind you of them remain on the radio.

We have our songs that remind us of that special someone. In many cases, those songs will always remind us of that person. The best example I can think of is Sting’s “Fields of Gold”. It has always reminded me of my high school girlfriend. I rarely hear it on the radio, but when I do it brings back fond memories.

When I first split with my last girlfriend, just about every song on the radio reminded me of her. I’ll admit that “Gives You Hell” and “Heartless” are the top two that remind me of her the most. “Gives You Hell” is still in the top 10, so it gets a lot of airtime, but I’ve started to notice that Heartless is getting much less play these days (even with The Fray’s cover). Granted, I’ve gone through my own healing process over the last few months, but not having to hear songs that constantly remind me of her helps quite a bit.

Now, for people who listen only to classic rock and oldies who have songs that remind you of someone… You just might not ever get over your ex 😦