blogging, Funny

48 HOURS NOTICE!………….. FBI Letter the Best Engrish I’ve Seen Yet!

I received a priceless gem of SPAM that I just had to share… I’ve highlighted some of my favorite parts 😛

Subject: 48 HOURS NOTICE!…………..20-01-2009

ANTI TERRORIST &  MONITORY CRIME DIVISION
FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON , D.C.
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON , D.C. 20535-0001

Dear Fund Beneficiary,
Some time ago, your Nigeria friends, I mean the people that introduced you to the project approached you and requested you assist them conclude a money transfer deal they had with you, they requested you to assist them by removing the original contractors name, from the bank vetting computer and replacing them with your name and your details in order to make you appear as the rightful beneficiary of this funds. you agreed and they said you will share the money with them as soon as your name appears as the beneficiary.

So this is just a clue to show you that we are very investigative and have all details to persecute you, but we shall give you the opportunity to receive the funds and make it clean, since it is coming into our dear country, but if you do not co-operate then we shall take negative actions. I couldn’t really think of any better way than bold, underlined, blue text to express how funny this last… well… sentence(s) is/are.

Maybe you think, that we are joking , but by the time we start taking actions you would know how serious we are, you do not have his document in your files, if you did the account would not have been freeze. We did not believe this at first, but when we saw the wire we had no option than to contact you. It has come to the attention of our Money Trafficking investigation department, that you have some funds valued at Millions of dollas to your name , The said payment is awaiting adjudication and credited to your name this funds are from Inheritance ‘willed ‘to you from Nigeria C.B.N precisely. Ok… I really can’t stop laughing at this point. This last paragraph/set of run on sentences is just friggin HILARIOUS!!!

With full concern of The F.B.I and the Internal Revenue Service(IRS) wish to remind you of the consequences of remitting such huge sums of money without complying fully with the provisions of the Financial and Allied Matters Decree 5 as amended in sub-section C(6) of 2003, which stipulates that any monitory transaction been done in the United States Of America, must have proper records , which dually guarantees and covers the transaction as legitimate and legally acquired and not criminally or terrorist associated funds. This is due to ongoing terrorist activities/economic crimes on and against the United States of America citizens.

You are under an observational /Investigation in connection with money laundering.

If your funds comes from a legitimate and legal source ,the proper guidelines for you to recover the right of transaction is for you to provide the DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY SEAL OF TRANSFER (DIST) so that your funds will be legally processed and recorded and accounted for and then finally released to you .

FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION (ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONEY LAUNDERING DEPARTMENT) IS HERE to wipe out terrorism, and will stop at no length in doing our duty for the American people.

You have 48 hours to produce legal proof of the below frozen wired transaction number coded: 3456711 owned by you , You do not have any rights to receive this funds if the documented legal wire information is not complete. The very heart of FBI operations lies in our investigations–which serve, as our mission states, ‘to protect and defend the United States against terrorist and foreign intelligence threats and to enforce the criminal laws of the United States .’ We currently have jurisdiction over violations of more than 200 categories of federal law. So you can see that they can track you down through Investigative programs. We have your address and the evidence and status of your wired funds, so we can arrest you anytime.

Note, the funds are very legal and from a good source, so as a matter of National interest you have to provide the documents to certify the money as clean funds. The funds are in the Bank of America right now, and will be released to you as soon as this document is procured, even if you do not want the funds you still have to obtain the documents to clear your name as, the funds are already here, so the decision is yours.   If you have the document then forward it to us immediately, if you do not have the documents then contact us immediately so that we can advice you on what it will take and where to obtain the documents.

Note: that you have just 48 hours to complete this process of national interest.

NOTE: If you failure to produce the above requirement in the next 48 hours, legal action will be taken immediately from our office

Sincerely,
Yours in Service
Joseph Persichini Jr., assistant director
Federal  Bureau Of Investigations

CONFIDENTIAL NOTICE: This E-MAIL may contain information that is privileged, confidential, and exempt from disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution, copying, or use of this document is strictly prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, please notify us by email at the e-mail listed above to arrange for the destruction or return of the original document to us. Thank you

© 2008 Federal Bureau Of Investigations All Rights Reserved

Apparently, the FBI cannot afford spell and grammar checkers 😛

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blogging, Funny

Google Suggestion for Pearl Necklace: Donkey Punch

So, I’m sitting there doing a search for pearl necklaces on Google. Perhaps I should have qualified it with Jewelry! Check out the suggested search term from Google: Donkey Punch. Good thing they didn’t suggest the Atomic Donkey Punch!

Google Suggests the Donkey Punch over a Pearl Necklace LOL
Google Suggests the Donkey Punch over a Pearl Necklace LOL
blogging, cool stuff, culture, Education, Funny, life, thoughts

Support “The Region”

I just love Urban Dictionary! Just the other day, I was listening to a radio show on BlogTalkRadio.com, and they were talking about side pieces and the jumpoff. They were using the two terms practically interchangeably, which is incorrect. To be sure, I did a search on Urban Dictionary, and one could argue that they are the same things, but there are very technical differences between a side piece and a side piece.

But this blog isn’t about side pieces or the jumpoff. It’s about another piece of slang that I wasn’t aware of at all until this Sunday. I had the co-founder of Single Tease (no, it’s not a porn site), Tamera Lawrence, on the show talking about her great T-shirts that help break the ice between people. You can listen to a piece of it on Words Cause.

During the interview, she mentioned that the chest area of a woman is referred to as “the region”.

I had no idea!

I asked some women at work if they knew about “the region”, and they were familiar with this term for their chest. I went to Urban Dictionary, and “the region” was only defined as Northwest Indiana. So, I added a new definition for “the region”:

Tasteful female slang for the area of their body containing their boobs
She wore a T-shirt with text printed above The Region

All of humanity needs your help! Check out the page for “the region” on Urban Dictionary and click on the thumbs-up for the new definition! It is currently the third definition listed.

Thanks for your support!

blogging, friends, Funny, SPAM

FanBox Admits to Being a SPAMMER and Phisher

I’m feeling miscievious. After a friend of mine was phished by SMS.ac (now FanBox), I can’t help but spread the word of SPAMMER and Phisher FanBox. Their recent spurt in popularity is alarming. They have a slick interface and are suckering people in by the tens of thousands.

Don’t fall for your friend “Elizabeth” having a question for you. They got phished! Mark anything that comes into your inbox from FanBox as SPAM and report them to phishtank.com

FanBox is SPAM

blogging, cool stuff, Dance, friends, Funny, life

I only walked her to her car

Imagine you are at a dance club about ready to go home. You are putting your shoes back on. Yes, it’s a real dance club, not some place where you have drunken dry humps on the dance floor to techno music. A hot blonde MILF that you’ve danced with comes up and asks you to walk her to her car.

Now, if you are me, your first thought might be about the beautiful babies you spent time with while in NYC this last weekend and think that God must really be smiling upon you. After all, waking up alive in Rockefeller Plaza at 5AM on a Sunday morning is not the norm for New York. But I digress.

So, I’m sitting there thinking that the MILF can’t seriously be hitting on me. I mean, 20 minutes ago I was asking her about her kids and how long she’s been married. Then she informs me that the guy sitting at the bar had been checking her out all night long and she was a little nervous. I look over and there is no one sitting at the bar. I take another glance.

Clearly a not so distant relative of Jeffrey Dahmer. This guy score a 1600 on the creepy freak SAT. A friggin’ 6.0 in the Winter Creeplympics. A 10.0 on the Creepter Scale. In fact, I just looked up freak ass creepo on wikipedia and his picture showed up in one of the asides.

You get the point, right? We’re talking Captain Creeparoo here. So, I realize that it is my civic duty to walk the hot blonde MILF to her car and make every effort to not hit on her. I kid. I kid! She’s married with kids! I would at least find out if she’s getting a divorce first.

All joking aside… I’m walking out of the building with her, and she turns to me and apologizes, saying that she’s sorry because many of the people in the joint thought that she was picking up on me. Score! I mean, having it look like Mrs. Robinson was picking up on me will definitely score me some points with the college kids when I go back there next week 😀

blogging, celebrities, cool stuff, Dance, friends, Funny, inspiration, life, videos

World Mayan Salsa Dance Champion Liz Lira teaches some Salsa

The talKing Show host, Christine Eads, learns some Salsa from Four time World Mayan Salsa Dance Champion Liz Lira. One of my favorite comedians, Adam Hunter, even tries out some moves (I think more moves on Christine than on the actual dance floor).

Liz Lira is a great dancer and a wonderful personality. If you have a chance to meet her, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. She’s a very dedicated dancer and one of the nicest dance instructors I know. The dance community needs more Liz Liras!


Click To Play

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