I received a priceless gem of SPAM that I just had to share… I’ve highlighted some of my favorite parts 😛
Subject: 48 HOURS NOTICE!…………..20-01-2009
ANTI TERRORIST & MONITORY CRIME DIVISION
FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON , D.C.
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON , D.C. 20535-0001
Dear Fund Beneficiary,
Some time ago, your Nigeria friends, I mean the people that introduced you to the project approached you and requested you assist them conclude a money transfer deal they had with you, they requested you to assist them by removing the original contractors name, from the bank vetting computer and replacing them with your name and your details in order to make you appear as the rightful beneficiary of this funds. you agreed and they said you will share the money with them as soon as your name appears as the beneficiary.
So this is just a clue to show you that we are very investigative and have all details to persecute you, but we shall give you the opportunity to receive the funds and make it clean, since it is coming into our dear country, but if you do not co-operate then we shall take negative actions. I couldn’t really think of any better way than bold, underlined, blue text to express how funny this last… well… sentence(s) is/are.
Maybe you think, that we are joking , but by the time we start taking actions you would know how serious we are, you do not have his document in your files, if you did the account would not have been freeze. We did not believe this at first, but when we saw the wire we had no option than to contact you. It has come to the attention of our Money Trafficking investigation department, that you have some funds valued at Millions of dollas to your name , The said payment is awaiting adjudication and credited to your name this funds are from Inheritance ‘willed ‘to you from Nigeria C.B.N precisely. Ok… I really can’t stop laughing at this point. This last paragraph/set of run on sentences is just friggin HILARIOUS!!!
With full concern of The F.B.I and the Internal Revenue Service(IRS) wish to remind you of the consequences of remitting such huge sums of money without complying fully with the provisions of the Financial and Allied Matters Decree 5 as amended in sub-section C(6) of 2003, which stipulates that any monitory transaction been done in the United States Of America, must have proper records , which dually guarantees and covers the transaction as legitimate and legally acquired and not criminally or terrorist associated funds. This is due to ongoing terrorist activities/economic crimes on and against the United States of America citizens.
You are under an observational /Investigation in connection with money laundering.
If your funds comes from a legitimate and legal source ,the proper guidelines for you to recover the right of transaction is for you to provide the DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY SEAL OF TRANSFER (DIST) so that your funds will be legally processed and recorded and accounted for and then finally released to you .
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION (ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONEY LAUNDERING DEPARTMENT) IS HERE to wipe out terrorism, and will stop at no length in doing our duty for the American people.
You have 48 hours to produce legal proof of the below frozen wired transaction number coded: 3456711 owned by you , You do not have any rights to receive this funds if the documented legal wire information is not complete. The very heart of FBI operations lies in our investigations–which serve, as our mission states, ‘to protect and defend the United States against terrorist and foreign intelligence threats and to enforce the criminal laws of the United States .’ We currently have jurisdiction over violations of more than 200 categories of federal law. So you can see that they can track you down through Investigative programs. We have your address and the evidence and status of your wired funds, so we can arrest you anytime.
Note, the funds are very legal and from a good source, so as a matter of National interest you have to provide the documents to certify the money as clean funds. The funds are in the Bank of America right now, and will be released to you as soon as this document is procured, even if you do not want the funds you still have to obtain the documents to clear your name as, the funds are already here, so the decision is yours. If you have the document then forward it to us immediately, if you do not have the documents then contact us immediately so that we can advice you on what it will take and where to obtain the documents.
Note: that you have just 48 hours to complete this process of national interest.
NOTE: If you failure to produce the above requirement in the next 48 hours, legal action will be taken immediately from our office
Yours in Service
Joseph Persichini Jr., assistant director
Federal Bureau Of Investigations
CONFIDENTIAL NOTICE: This E-MAIL may contain information that is privileged, confidential, and exempt from disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution, copying, or use of this document is strictly prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, please notify us by email at the e-mail listed above to arrange for the destruction or return of the original document to us. Thank you
© 2008 Federal Bureau Of Investigations All Rights Reserved
Apparently, the FBI cannot afford spell and grammar checkers 😛