Archive for the ‘Work’ Category

I have a new idea for a business that is going to make a killing, but I need some investors to get things started. First, we need to hire tens of thousands of people. I’m thinking at least 30,000 people. We’re only going to pay them minimum wage, so we’ll be able to keep costs down. We also need to spend millions of dollars on advertising and make sure we are purchasing materials and services from hundreds of vendors in America.

You might be asking yourself, “What are we going to make?”

That’s the great part! We aren’t going to even make anything! We’ll probably just have each employee purchase a lottery ticket in the states where they are employed. The employees will get to play pool, foosball, air hockey, and basketball while on the job. We’ll have a corporate jet to fly us around. Corporate cars. We’ll have all the amenities necessary to run a large corporation.

Now, you might be asking yourself, “How will I recover my investment?”

By employing so many people and working with so many vendors, us going out of business will cause such a massive “ripple effect” that the federal government will just have to bail us out. We’ll fly to Washington in our private jet and ask them for maybe… I don’t know… Maybe $25 billion. That’s a small price for people to pay for preventing a massive economic meldown, right?

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Communism has gotten hold of lawmakers in New York! This isn’t McCarthy style scare tactics folks, this is the real deal. One the surface, people might be thinking that the whole Amazon Tax thing is no big deal. Amazon might win, probably, perhaps, hopefully, right?

Think again!

New York is attacking the constitution of the United States. Furthermore, they are expecting our businesses to foot the bill for the constitutional challenge. Our businesses are going to have to pay to prove that our constitution protects us from the economic greed of lawmakers like those in New York. Yes, our businesses are footing the bill. I say New York should have to repay Amazon for ALL legal expenses if Amazon wins the lawsuit against New York. That should keep idiot lawmakers from abusing the power that we gave them!

I know, the pervs were probably expecting some pictures of scantily clad women. For that, you should go here. For the rest of you, Dean and I had four incredibly amazing women on the Dean and Jared Words Cause Radio Show yesterday.

Laura and Lori have teamed up to provide amazing technological advancements in the health care industry.

Marianne quit a cushy job of 16 years to start her own business.

Rebekah is a mother of three boys, a wife of 17 years to a veteran, and the founder of more than half a dozen resources for health information.

How do they all do it? Click here to read a little bit more information about Laura, Lori, Marianne, and Rebekah.

What inspired them to go beyond their comfort zones? Listen to the Dean and Jared Words Cause Radio Show to find out!

Bruce Vilanch watched the video where Kobe Bryant jumps over an Aston Martin. He figured that he could do the same thing with his new Gravity Defyer Shoes

A friend of mine sent me this from BootLeg Betty.

I was joking around about being a redneck model for a new pair of binoculars by Spion. I’ve got my fishing jacket. I’ve got my red Snap-on baseball cap. I’ve got my… Ladybug?

Ladybugs Love Me

I’ve been a HUGE fan of LOL Cat for a loooooooong time. I post them on people’s Myspace profiles and vote regularly. Today, my friend Ken dropped off page 90 of the latest SkyMall, and I had to make my own LOL Cat!!! And it ends up being a Ceiling cat at that!

funny pictures
moar funny pictures

Packet8 phones in my home office! Alright! This weekend, I purchase two Packet8 phones from Office Depot. These systems looked great. I could simply set them up and use my phone service anywhere I took my digital phone adapter (or virtual office adapter as they call it). They have a virtual auto attendant, extensions… You name it, Packet8 has it.

I had talked with a rep at their company just a few days beforehand. She was very convincing. Sounded like a great product. AND they had a special running at Office Depot! I checked out the closest Office Depot to me, but they were all sold out. So, I hoped online and found the next closest location. “Call in advance when you are going to drive 20 mile for something,” my mom would always say.

They had it! I was excited! I was going to get one of the most state of the art small business office voip systems on the face of the planet: Packet8! Who’s rockin’ the small business world now!?! I trek out to the Office Depot and trek all the way back. I was practically salivating! These Packet8 phones look so cool. The virtual office concept makes remote business operations a reality. I can just picture myself in Hawaii, running my business on the beach while I’m using my Packet8 phone.

I pull out the phone, the cords, the cables, the phone adapter… It was like Christmas in March. I pull out the activation instructions. No way! It can’t be this easy. Just visit http://activate.packet8.net and type in the MAC address on the phone adapter unit. Then follow the instructions? Are you guys serious? I love the Internet. The world just got so much easier… Or did it???

When I went to activate the systems via the instructions in the box, I received an error:

Packet8 Small Business VOIP

I call up their tech support and the guy initially has no idea what I’m talking about. Apparently, Packet8 hasn’t been selling a whole lot of systems through retail chains like Office Depot. Maybe this is why! The Packet8 voip systems don’t work.

I’m a fair man though. I’ll give them a chance. I’ll let them sort through the issues and call me back on Monday. Their technical support traces back the units to… NOWHERE! They don’t have either unit in their system. Yes, you followed the story correctly. They sold me not 1 but *2* Packet8 Virtual Office units that were “not in their system”.

Then they told me that I could always return the items to Office Depot and purchase the units directly from them. So, make some money selling junk to Office Depot on wholesale, get me salivating over the phones, and then pull as fast one and get me to purchase directly from Packet8? I think not.

Hello! Office Depot? I have two pieces of junk I purchased from your other store very far away and don’t want to drive another 20 miles to return. Can I return that garbage voip system to you? Yes, I do have the receipt. Excellent! I’ll return these Packet8 junk piles right after I finish posting on WordPress!

Micromanagement is often seen as the root of all evil in the workforce. Employees who are “micromanaged” (whether they are or not) can become severely disgruntled, making for a poor work environment.

Most of the time, micromanagement is the result of an inept manager, a manager who has been raised to his level of incompetence. However, when used effectively, micromanagement is a highly effective tool for getting projects back on track. In a five part series on WordsCause, I am sharing a recent experience I have with a derailed ecommerce project that I was able to not only get back on track, but the team delivered more than what was promised in less time than was originally projected!

The end result? A website that doubled the conversion rate from 2.5% to more than 5% consistently. Read the first part of Successful Micromanagement in Information Technology.

A little geek humor and artistry by my friend Ken at work:

Ctrl+Alt+Del(Taco)
Ctrl + Alt + Del (Taco)

Del(taco).icio.us
Del.icio.us

Any bets you may have lost while working together are not likely to be collected. A coworker left the office on Friday, and I had lost a bet about one of our trade shows earlier in the year. Unless she reads my blog, it isn’t likely I’ll have to pay up on that bet. YES! 😛