Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

I’ve heard a few definitions of rape culture over the years, but typing in “define rape culture” into Google netted one of the most concise definitions I have seen to date: a society or environment whose prevailing social attitudes have the effect of normalizing or trivializing sexual assault and abuse.


There are the obvious examples of sexual assault being uncovered on the news on a daily basis: Harvey Weinstein, Donald Trump, Roy Moore, etc. These aren’t the best examples of the systemic nature of rape culture in America though. These are example of rape culture but aren’t being trivialized or normalized (at least not anymore). The following is a deep dive into identifying the pervasive, systemic reach of rape culture in America. Prepare…

The champions of rape culture in America for more than two decades are Bill and Hillary Clinton.


Clinton supporters will likely suggest that this is a hit piece on the Clintons. It’s not. This is a hit piece on the pervasiveness of rape culture in America.

When Senator Gillibrand made the strong (and appropriate statement) that Bill Clinton should have resigned as POTUS during the investigation of his sexual harassment and perjury, there were Clinton loyalists who quickly jumped all over it with rape culturisms like Philippe Reines:

Ken Starr spent $70 million on a consensual blowjob. Senate voted to keep POTUS WJC. But not enough for you @SenGillibrand? Over 20 yrs you took the Clintons’ endorsements, money, and seat. Hypocrite.

Interesting strategy for 2020 primaries. Best of luck.

On the surface, this might look like a Clinton supporter/former employee venting about a Senator who gladly took Bill Clinton’s endorsements over the years and was now throwing him under the bus. This is what rape culture looks like, folks!

You might be thinking this is a pretty harsh statement given that Bill Clinton didn’t “rape” Monica Lewinsky. If so, that’s a good thing. I think you should be shocked to uncover just how systemic and prevalent rape culture is in America.

Reines makes the assertion that Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky participated in consensual blowjobs in the Oval Office. His argument might even have legal merit since sexual harassment (which is what a superior having sex with a subordinate is) isn’t “illegal”. By Reines’ rape culture logic, slavery (let alone raping slaves) during America’s early years was okay because it wasn’t “illegal”. Did I just compare rape culture to slavery? You bet!

So, how is getting a “consensual” bj in the Oval Office sexual harassment, let alone rape culture? By answering this question, we’re going to uncover the nasty pervasiveness of rape culture in America. It boils down to the very culture that it’s acceptable to someone with authority to take advantage of a subordinate. Someone with authority over another person has a level of power over that person by the very nature of their position. The President of the United States certainly qualifies as being in a position of authority over an intern in the White House. Claiming that Monica Lewinsky “knew what she was getting into” (or simplifying that to “consented” like Reines has done) exemplifies rape culture. Reines might as well have just said Monica was “asking for it”. Looking at this with a Weinstein lens: Monica was on the “casting couch”.

To make a long story short, justifying sexual abuse because it’s illegal = rape culture.

Furthering the rape culture nature of Bill Clinton’s exploitation of Monica Lewinsky is the fact that he’s married. The idea that a man, who has made a commitment of chastity to his wife, can up and get a bj from an employee is the epitome of the sense of male entitlement that is rampant with rape culture. Bill Clinton took advantage of Monica Lewinsky, and that is rape culture. Period.

Still, Bill Clinton’s exploits of Monica Lewinsky weren’t the most egregious of his rape culturisms. It’s pretty safe to say that the only thing separating Bill Clinton from being an alleged rapist and an convicted rapist is the statute of limitations and/or a phenomenal lawyer (meaning, a lawyer who leverages the inherit privileged that rape culture affords sexual predators (wealthy/powerful men) like Bill Clinton.

A further example of rape culture is claiming that Bill Clinton “more than paid the price” for taking advantage of Lewinsky. The notion that there’s a “price” to pay for sexually manipulating and abusing women is rape culture. The notion that Bill Clinton “more than paid” is monstrously rape culture. He paid the price because he couldn’t practice law (which he wouldn’t have done anyway) for five years? And I’ll get to the greatest falsehood about Bill Clinton “paying the price” in two paragraphs.

If you haven’t warmed up to me saying that Bill Clinton exploited and took advantage of Monica Lewinsky, that’s how pervasive rape culture is in your own mind. There in lies the sneakiness of rape culture. It’s like a shadow cast from a light that sits right in your own head. Rape culture is something you can’t fully see and understand until you look in the mirror and ask yourself how much you have unwittingly (or knowingly) participated in rape culture. How much have you justified Bill Clinton the sexual predator with him being an accomplished politician? How often have you said “that’s just politics”? Or “other politicians have done those things”?

That brings me to my last, and most poignant point. Hillary Clinton exemplifies rape culture in America. Victim blaming and shaming is the ultimate rape culture. Hillary Clinton has also said that her husband “paid the price“. No. Hillary Clinton, YOU paid the price for Bill Clinton’s sex abuse, not Bill. Hillary is both a victim of rape culture and has been perpetuating rape culture.

To wrap it up…

Rape culture = “a society or environment whose prevailing social attitudes have the effect of normalizing or trivializing sexual assault and abuse.” How much have we all participated in normalizing or trivializing sexual assault and abuse? Now is the time to say, “no more”. Michael TomaskyPhilippe Reines, Al Franken, and Hillary Clinton are all rape culture stalwarts.


“Behind every great man is a great woman”

We hear that statement (or some variant: “Behind every successful man is a woman”) so often, particularly in politics. It’s so popular that with the rise of successful women in business and politics we hear the gender role reversal: Behind every great woman is a great man. Regardless of the gender roles, the statement has an underlying tone that the spouse of a great/successful person is hidden “behind” the successful person.

Maybe we see the significant other on the stage… Maybe the great wo/man is mentioned in an acceptance speech… Maybe in the memoirs…

The reality is that *Beside* every great wo/man is a great wo/man. It’s just a preposition, but this preposition swap accurately reflects the true spirit of this popular idiom. The spouse of a successful person stands besides them, not behind them. When they walked down the isle, they walked beside each other. No one individual was behind or in front of the other, and it’s the same in success and greatness.

When I achieve success in business or life, my wife is always beside me; not behind me. And I know that the same holds true for her. We’re on this adventure together. One of us certainly takes the lead depending on what obstacle is in front of us, but when we cross that finish line… When we achieve success, it’s beside one another.

A man doesn’t have to be getting married to be a bachelor. In fact, any man not married is a bachelor. This really means that a man should have as many bachelor parties as possible before he gets married. I’ve posted about my Semi-Annual Bachelor party idea before. However, I do have an idea for a real bachelor party: a roast!

How many of us will get to experience a roast in our lives? Very few. What better occasion for a roast than when a man decides that he’s going to forgo all other women for the rest of his adult life so that he can be with just one woman? He’s making the choice that the value one woman and his love for her exceeds the value he’ll receive from his receptionist or cougar at the local bar for the rest of his life (or at least five years if they are like the majority of marriages).

It’s a pretty tall commitment even if things to last only five years. That’s five years of passing up countless opportunities. It seems logical for a man to have a roast for this bachelor party. There’s no need for strippers (although a little burlesque entertainment would be a good idea). There’s no need for excessive boozing and kegs of beers. For me, I’ll take the roast. Most importantly, I’ll take the roast because I think my youngest brother (who has some great standup material) would enjoy putting on the roast more than a cliche bachelor party.

Now for the ladies…

I have participated* in many bachelorette parties. I even helped through a little bachelorette party with a male stripper (wasn’t me stripping). By participating, I mean when the women are going around on the bachelorette scavenger hunt, I usually have one or more of the things on the list. Scavenger hunts are kinda a staple for bachelorette parties.

I remember one time I was out with a friend and a woman I was dating at the time. There was a bachelorette scavenger hunt going on, and I had four items that were on their list. I don’t remember what any of them were besides the condom, so I can’t help you guys out with what you need to keep in your pockets if you want to score points with a bachelorette scavenger hunt. Sorry…

It dawned on me this morning what the perfect bachelorette party would be: a masquerade party!

You could still end up doing everything you do with a regular bachelorette party just with masquerade! I think this would add a bit of excitement to a regular bachelor party. The increase anonymity might be a good thing for women who perhaps are a little more inhibited. For the women who are less inhibited to begin with, it would be great for us men that happen to stumble upon their bachelorette parties.

I’ve known a few gold diggers in my day. I even know a few women who have tried dating men with a lot of money just because they could and wanted to see if it really was any better than dating an average income guy. However, this isn’t what I’m talking about in this blog.

This is also a little different from a woman who supports her man’s ambitions. This is a woman who is genuinely turned on when she talks to her husband about the business deal he’s been working so hard to close or even the promotion he’s been vying for. This is about a woman who appreciates a man who is driven, and man who wants more and more in his short life. I believe that a truly successful man should want to date and/or marry a woman who is attracted to his success.

I should note that success does not require one to have a six figure income. Success is quite relative. A man may not have a high income, but he can still be successful. There are job careers that just don’t pay as high as others. That doesn’t make a CEO of a multi-billion dollar company more successful than the manager or owner of a local business. Unless the local business owner really wants to be the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company. The local business owner can be quite successful just with his local business, and he is best off with a woman who is turned on by his local business success. When he comes home from a long day at the office or shop, she’ll be turned on by the fact that he’s succeeding locally.

I know women like this as well. I know some women who aren’t like this at all. They don’t mind dating a successful guy, but it doesn’t turn them on. They’ll say things like “he could wear jeans and a t-shirt as long as he treats me well”. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with that, but I’m heading for the hills when I hear a woman say that about me! To me, it is such a turnoff when a woman says something like that. I’d like to consider myself driven. Most people who know me would agree. It is such a part of the very fiber of my being that I’m very attracted to a woman who is turned on by my drive for success and completely turned off by a woman who is indifferent about it.

Don’t get me wrong. They are still great women. Those who I’ve dated in the past who were not attracted to success are wonderful women who would be a great catch… for someone else.

I was watching “It’s a Guy Thing” on my Vudu with my roommate last night. It was my first night back after my trip to Hotlanta. I was pointing out the different movie characters, trying to tie them to different people in my life. Of course, with me being the main character. I told my roommate it would be a great thing to have a bachelor party without the marriage the next day/week. She said I should just have a bachelor party anyway!

At first, I didn’t see the logic. After all, I’m just a caveman. I said, you can’t have a bachelor party without getting married. Her reply??? Well, you are a bachelor. DING!!! The light bulb lit up! She was right. I AM a bachelor, and I should have a bachelor party!

Now, I know that some might be thinking that every “dude party” is a bachelor party. This isn’t quite true. I mean, a bachelor party has a designated best man and the entire point is to get the bachelor completely wasted the night before he decides to spend the rest of his life (or at least a few months) with the woman he loves. Wikipedia sums it up quite well:

Bachelor parties in the US often entail the mass consumption of alcohol, the hiring of a stripper and general rowdiness toward which the bride might not have a positive reaction (especially since the bride is typically not among the invitees). Increasingly, bachelor parties have come to symbolize the last time when the groom is free of the influence of his new wife.

Most dude parties are usually a sausage festival with cigars and a poker table. So, when it became clear to me that one mustn’t marry to partake in bachelor party festivities, I don’t think I have ever experienced a greater moment of glee in my entire life. Instantly, some of my favorite cities came to mind: Vegas, Cabo, Vancouver, Chicago, New Orleans, New York, Tijuana. Of course, I immediately messaged my little brother to inform him about my new idea of semi-annual bachelor parties. After all, were I to ever end my bachelorhood, he would be the first person I would call anyway.

The idea is simple:

  1. Designate the bachelor. Anyone not married is eligible!
  2. Designate the best man and bachelor party. This can be a mix of bachelors and married gents, but the emphasis is on gents.
  3. By Committee, choose the location
  4. Book a party bus, group flights, cruise location, and/or hotel plenty of time in advance
  5. Pretend like it is really a bachelor party for the bachelor. It’s not a cigar and poker night sausage festival!

Remember: Sharing is caring, especially in this down economy. Pooling money and resources can help those less fortunate. Be kind and generous to those less fortunate, and certainly help out those who can’t get laid on their own.

I can’t decide if I want to combo my First Semi-Annual Bachelor Party with my birthday next month. One thing is for sure… There will be a Semi-Annual Bachelor Party in Spring 2011 in Mexico!

‘Tis the season for some news about Christianity. I was reading an article on CNN about the son of Jim Bakker (remember that swindler?)

I saw an ad on the side of the page with the headline: Davidic Christianity Christian Polygamy. The text ad read: Davidic Christianity seeks to fulfill the prophecy of Amos 9: 11-12 by… Perhaps it was my red-blooded American curiosity that got me clicking. I mean, David was hooking it up.

Now, typically, I don’t blog, bulletin, or otherwise comment on material that I don’t want to promote. After all, all press is good press. On top of this, I suspect that the folks at House of David Ministries paid good money for their ad on CNN. I’m now giving them additional value for their spend on CNN. But the message they are trying to convey is of great importance.

The folks at House of David Ministries claim that they are trying to convey a message of God. Please, by all means, read the article they have crafted about Biblical Marriage. This is slick idea! Hell, if God supports polygamy, I’m all for it. Any man stupid enough to try to take on fulfilling the needs of more than one woman deserves what he’s going to get. Then again, the “Biblical” concept of marriage is the transfer of ownership of the bride from her father to her husband. So, I suppose that there’s not a whole lot of focus on fulfilling any of her needs when it comes to “Biblical” marriage.

My personal favorite is the Conclusions section. Honestly, this is a rather well written article. Yes, it is filled with authentic Biblical gibberish. Yes, it is entirely too long for anyone in their right mind to read in a single sitting. In fact, I encourage you to read it over several bathroom visits. There are plenty of Bible quotes that truly prove that either (1) polygamy is established through the word of God to be not just acceptable but honorable *OR* (2) parts of the Bible can be used to support any idea someone can come up with.

Read Conclusion #8. The first 8, please, not the second. At the time I wrote this, there were two 8’s. Will the House of David Ministries change it by the time you read this? I’m not sure. I suppose it depends on how many people waste their time reading my blogs 😀

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