Posts Tagged ‘fraud’
I received a priceless gem of SPAM that I just had to share… I’ve highlighted some of my favorite parts 😛
Subject: 48 HOURS NOTICE!…………..20-01-2009
ANTI TERRORIST & MONITORY CRIME DIVISION
FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON , D.C.
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON , D.C. 20535-0001
Dear Fund Beneficiary,
Some time ago, your Nigeria friends, I mean the people that introduced you to the project approached you and requested you assist them conclude a money transfer deal they had with you, they requested you to assist them by removing the original contractors name, from the bank vetting computer and replacing them with your name and your details in order to make you appear as the rightful beneficiary of this funds. you agreed and they said you will share the money with them as soon as your name appears as the beneficiary.
So this is just a clue to show you that we are very investigative and have all details to persecute you, but we shall give you the opportunity to receive the funds and make it clean, since it is coming into our dear country, but if you do not co-operate then we shall take negative actions. I couldn’t really think of any better way than bold, underlined, blue text to express how funny this last… well… sentence(s) is/are.
Maybe you think, that we are joking , but by the time we start taking actions you would know how serious we are, you do not have his document in your files, if you did the account would not have been freeze. We did not believe this at first, but when we saw the wire we had no option than to contact you. It has come to the attention of our Money Trafficking investigation department, that you have some funds valued at Millions of dollas to your name , The said payment is awaiting adjudication and credited to your name this funds are from Inheritance ‘willed ‘to you from Nigeria C.B.N precisely. Ok… I really can’t stop laughing at this point. This last paragraph/set of run on sentences is just friggin HILARIOUS!!!
With full concern of The F.B.I and the Internal Revenue Service(IRS) wish to remind you of the consequences of remitting such huge sums of money without complying fully with the provisions of the Financial and Allied Matters Decree 5 as amended in sub-section C(6) of 2003, which stipulates that any monitory transaction been done in the United States Of America, must have proper records , which dually guarantees and covers the transaction as legitimate and legally acquired and not criminally or terrorist associated funds. This is due to ongoing terrorist activities/economic crimes on and against the United States of America citizens.
You are under an observational /Investigation in connection with money laundering.
If your funds comes from a legitimate and legal source ,the proper guidelines for you to recover the right of transaction is for you to provide the DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY SEAL OF TRANSFER (DIST) so that your funds will be legally processed and recorded and accounted for and then finally released to you .
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION (ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONEY LAUNDERING DEPARTMENT) IS HERE to wipe out terrorism, and will stop at no length in doing our duty for the American people.
You have 48 hours to produce legal proof of the below frozen wired transaction number coded: 3456711 owned by you , You do not have any rights to receive this funds if the documented legal wire information is not complete. The very heart of FBI operations lies in our investigations–which serve, as our mission states, ‘to protect and defend the United States against terrorist and foreign intelligence threats and to enforce the criminal laws of the United States .’ We currently have jurisdiction over violations of more than 200 categories of federal law. So you can see that they can track you down through Investigative programs. We have your address and the evidence and status of your wired funds, so we can arrest you anytime.
Note, the funds are very legal and from a good source, so as a matter of National interest you have to provide the documents to certify the money as clean funds. The funds are in the Bank of America right now, and will be released to you as soon as this document is procured, even if you do not want the funds you still have to obtain the documents to clear your name as, the funds are already here, so the decision is yours. If you have the document then forward it to us immediately, if you do not have the documents then contact us immediately so that we can advice you on what it will take and where to obtain the documents.
Note: that you have just 48 hours to complete this process of national interest.
NOTE: If you failure to produce the above requirement in the next 48 hours, legal action will be taken immediately from our office
Yours in Service
Joseph Persichini Jr., assistant director
Federal Bureau Of Investigations
CONFIDENTIAL NOTICE: This E-MAIL may contain information that is privileged, confidential, and exempt from disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution, copying, or use of this document is strictly prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, please notify us by email at the e-mail listed above to arrange for the destruction or return of the original document to us. Thank you
© 2008 Federal Bureau Of Investigations All Rights Reserved
Apparently, the FBI cannot afford spell and grammar checkers 😛
I can’t believe that only 23% of the people polled in a CNN poll thought Vice President Dick(head) Cheney is the worst VP in the history of America. Either these people have a strong recollection of Aaron Burr and Spiro Agnew, or they haven’t paid much attention to distortion of our constitution by the worst Vice President in history. Certainly, Agnew was a swindler, but he has nothing on Cheney. Dick easily ranks up there with Burr.
I would be interested in knowing who these people really think is the worst VP ever.
My favorite quote from Dick:
“I’m very comfortable with where we are and what we achieved substantively. And frankly, I would not want to be one of those guys who spends all his time reading the polls. I think people like that shouldn’t serve in these jobs.”
Of course he feels very comfortable. After having pulled off the largest raping of the American public, I’m sure he feels as comfortable as OJ Simpson with a glove that doesn’t fit on his hand.
It’s going to be 6-9 months before things start moving into recovery, and they are going to get much worse over the next 3 months. And that is a best case scenario. Why is this recession going to be so long and so severe? Simple, we denied it was happening for almost an entire year!
Remember, according to our government our economy was fundamentally strong just 3 months ago. That wasn’t the case then. That wasn’t even the case a year ago.
Recessions are fairly simple to recover from if they are dealt with responsibly. Ignoring it for 12 months just dug us a deeper hole. It would be like ignoring a broken leg for 12 months. Your leg would take longer to heal and would probably heal incorrectly (i.e. via $700 billion government bailout = $15 billion automobile industry bailout).
I have a new idea for a business that is going to make a killing, but I need some investors to get things started. First, we need to hire tens of thousands of people. I’m thinking at least 30,000 people. We’re only going to pay them minimum wage, so we’ll be able to keep costs down. We also need to spend millions of dollars on advertising and make sure we are purchasing materials and services from hundreds of vendors in America.
You might be asking yourself, “What are we going to make?”
That’s the great part! We aren’t going to even make anything! We’ll probably just have each employee purchase a lottery ticket in the states where they are employed. The employees will get to play pool, foosball, air hockey, and basketball while on the job. We’ll have a corporate jet to fly us around. Corporate cars. We’ll have all the amenities necessary to run a large corporation.
Now, you might be asking yourself, “How will I recover my investment?”
By employing so many people and working with so many vendors, us going out of business will cause such a massive “ripple effect” that the federal government will just have to bail us out. We’ll fly to Washington in our private jet and ask them for maybe… I don’t know… Maybe $25 billion. That’s a small price for people to pay for preventing a massive economic meldown, right?
I’m sitting here, reading the Letter from the Obama Campaign to the McCain campaign about potential voter fraud issues, and it dawned on me… We need a war on voter fraud!
We’ve got a war on drugs
We’ve got a war on terror
Let’s bring a war on voter fraud into the mix. Let’s have our government busting down doors of vote criminals. We might even be able to win the war on voter fraud! How could we measure whether we are winning the war on voter fraud? Good question, but not really necessary to answer since we don’t have the answer for the other two wars mentioned above.
History certainly does have a way of repeating itself. Something tells me that there’s going to be a lot of uncovering of dirty laundry after Bush and Cheney are gone. Get the paper shredders ready Dick!
Packet8 phones in my home office! Alright! This weekend, I purchase two Packet8 phones from Office Depot. These systems looked great. I could simply set them up and use my phone service anywhere I took my digital phone adapter (or virtual office adapter as they call it). They have a virtual auto attendant, extensions… You name it, Packet8 has it.
I had talked with a rep at their company just a few days beforehand. She was very convincing. Sounded like a great product. AND they had a special running at Office Depot! I checked out the closest Office Depot to me, but they were all sold out. So, I hoped online and found the next closest location. “Call in advance when you are going to drive 20 mile for something,” my mom would always say.
They had it! I was excited! I was going to get one of the most state of the art small business office voip systems on the face of the planet: Packet8! Who’s rockin’ the small business world now!?! I trek out to the Office Depot and trek all the way back. I was practically salivating! These Packet8 phones look so cool. The virtual office concept makes remote business operations a reality. I can just picture myself in Hawaii, running my business on the beach while I’m using my Packet8 phone.
I pull out the phone, the cords, the cables, the phone adapter… It was like Christmas in March. I pull out the activation instructions. No way! It can’t be this easy. Just visit http://activate.packet8.net and type in the MAC address on the phone adapter unit. Then follow the instructions? Are you guys serious? I love the Internet. The world just got so much easier… Or did it???
When I went to activate the systems via the instructions in the box, I received an error:
I call up their tech support and the guy initially has no idea what I’m talking about. Apparently, Packet8 hasn’t been selling a whole lot of systems through retail chains like Office Depot. Maybe this is why! The Packet8 voip systems don’t work.
I’m a fair man though. I’ll give them a chance. I’ll let them sort through the issues and call me back on Monday. Their technical support traces back the units to… NOWHERE! They don’t have either unit in their system. Yes, you followed the story correctly. They sold me not 1 but *2* Packet8 Virtual Office units that were “not in their system”.
Then they told me that I could always return the items to Office Depot and purchase the units directly from them. So, make some money selling junk to Office Depot on wholesale, get me salivating over the phones, and then pull as fast one and get me to purchase directly from Packet8? I think not.
Hello! Office Depot? I have two pieces of junk I purchased from your other store very far away and don’t want to drive another 20 miles to return. Can I return that garbage voip system to you? Yes, I do have the receipt. Excellent! I’ll return these Packet8 junk piles right after I finish posting on WordPress!