But Do You Want Her (and only her) When Things Are Great???

I hear all kinds of stories about people “knowing” when they meet “the one”. I’ve blogged and tweeted my fingers off about “the one”. To sum it up: I’ve met “the one”… at least half a dozen times ūüėõ

But what happens when you really do meet “the one”? Butterflies? Dizzy feeling? Loss for words? I suppose. Or that could be the result of a massive rage of hormones that suddenly confuse the brain, sending signals to the rest of your body that the rest of your body just doesn’t quite understand what to do. I’m not buying the generally accepted symptoms of meeting “the one”. At least, not for me…

Of course, as I type that last sentence, I think back to my three dogs. I knew each of my three dogs would be mine the very moment that I saw them. The Lab, as much as I don’t want to admit it, was really cute. She was the world’s worst puppy until I got the Weimaraner. Actually, I take that back… The Weimaraner is the greatest dog to ever exist! Super loyal, easily trainable, and goofy as you could ever want in a dog. The Aussie Shepard though… I knew the second I saw her that I was going to get suckered into taking her home. She is a horrible puppy. Easily twice as destructive as the Lab. And by horrible, I mean she’s just about the most adorable, loving puppy to eat an entire sofa!

What does any of that have to do with “the one”? More importantly, what does any of this have to do with the title for this blog???

One thing I’ve noticed is that when things are going my way, I’m having a rough day at the office, or something just isn’t quite going how I expected it (got blindsided by something), I lean on my companions: mostly my dogs. I have friends and family I’ll talk to about the stuff that isn’t bothering me to clear my head. If it’s really getting to me, I’ll talk with said friends and family about what’s going on to get myself clear. It works wonders! But often times I can clear myself pretty easily just by sitting in my backyard with my dogs, playing ball. That’s when things are going not so great.

When things are great, my dogs see me much less. I spend more time out of my house. I spend more time traveling, going out, with other people, other dogs… My dogs get much less of my time. So, this got me thinking about my intimate relationships. I see a very similar pattern in my level of attraction to someone I’m dating. When things aren’t going as well, I usually think about the woman I’m dating a bit more to help distract myself from what is troubling me. It’s another form of clearing for me, and it leads to finding myself more attracted to that person if they are indeed someone who provides that clearing for me when I’ve got something that’s troubling me. I have dated women who don’t provide that clearing. They weren’t that distraction that I needed. Those relationships rarely lasted much more than 6-9 months.

So, I’ve stated thinking about how much I’m truly attracted to a woman based upon how much I want to be around her when things are going great. I looked back on the last several relationships and found an interesting trend: when things are going great, I find myself much less attracted to most of the women I have dated. And I noticed something even more interesting. For the couple of women who weren’t ones I would really want to spend time with to help clear my head, I found myself wanting to spend less and less time with them when things weren’t going so well and even less time with them when things were going great! So, it leaves me with this question: Do I want her when things are great???


  1. Martin

    The pitfall is thinking that the answer is the same for men and women. There is a distinction in the male/female realm that you are stubbing your toe on.

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