Hating Someone Was Never So Easy
It seemed odd at first. I had these strange feelings towards my ex-girlfriend after she told me that my best friend killed himself because of me. They were very foreign to me.
Generally speaking, I wish nothing but the best for everyone I meet. I wholeheartedly hope that everyone acheives their dreams in life. I don’t think there could ever be enough I could do for other people to make the world a better place. Despite all this altruism flowing through me, I am still human.
Something I had never experienced before was hating someone. Sure, there were times when I “hated” doing something… Times when I “hated” going to work or school or talking to someone. However, I never actually hated another human being. Despite my childhood that was filled with every type of abuse, I never hated my parents or my family or the people around me. I certainly had moments of anger mangement, no doubt about it.
Even when I was younger, if I was upset with someone I would try to figure things out in my head. I have always tried to figure out why I feel the way I do about other people, especially when my feelings are negative towards someone else. If I found myself not liking someone very much, I would usually look to the inside to understand why I didn’t like that person.
So, it was a bit of a surprise a few weeks ago when a friend of mine told me that it sounded like I hated my ex-girlfriend. I was certainly not liking my ex much, but I didn’t think I hated her. I thought about it over the next few days and started to realize that I really did hate her. I couldn’t believe it. However, she really did make it easy to hate her. She told me that my best friend of nearly 20 years killed himself because of me, that I didn’t deserve to be happy and didn’t deserver the enjoyable life I have. Then she turned around and tagged me as an asshole on Facebook (yes, I’m a bit lame for taking that serious :-P), but to top it off, she started to date someone else a few weeks after she said all of that to me and has been very open about showing large quantities of PDA (which she didn’t do with me). Oh well.
I was actually happy to finally distinguish that I hate someone. A friend of mine told me that it reminded her of the scene from “Enchanted” when the princess realized that she was mad and got excited about being mad.
I’ve been really happy about hating my ex-girlfriend. I’m starting to get passed it now. Sometimes it has felt weird to be happy to hate someone, but she has never made hating someone so easy 😛