The Myth of “The Chase”

You hear it all the time. “Men enjoy the chase more than…”

I mostly hear it from women as an explanation for why they should not give it up too soon in a relationship. I can’t imagine this was started by a man, but I have also heard men say it. Perhaps it is used as an explanation for why when we men are younger we jump from girl to girl. Or perhaps I did enjoy the chase when I was younger because I felt like I had to prove something about myself as a man.

The reality is that evolved men could care less about the chase. In fact, if we have to chase after a woman, we’re not going to remain interested very long. Evolved men are into women that are into us. If she’s interested, she should reciprocate our interest appropriately. I’m not talking about just getting laid, of course (that’s for a whole different topic).

When we are younger, men feel like we need to put forth our best image and prove that we are a good catch. We eventually get to a point where there is nothing we need to prove about being in a relationship. For me, every mistake there is to make in a relationship, I’ve already made it. Every stupid thing there is to say in a relationship, I’ve said it. I’ve learned each time, and I have grown.

For someone like me, I have a couple of businesses to run, dozens of hobbies (dancing, motorcycles, sailing, triathlons, skydiving, traveling, hiking, etc.) to pursue, an adorable nephew and family to spend time with, dogs that need a lot of exercise, and educational pursuits that all keep me busy and fulfilled. “Chasing” a woman is just going to distract from everything else.

Perhaps I’m getting old, but a woman that fits into who I am and doesn’t need to be chased is extremely attractive. I happen to like the man that I have become, and chasing after someone just doesn’t really make any sense.


  1. cinnabit

    I enjoyed this..sometimes the chase is really “you” chasing your tail in circles…and frankly who has time for that?

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